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Addiction

I have an addictive personality. That's why I stay away from booze (13 years sober), cigarettes, and drugs. I know that when I start something I have to pace myself or I will get addicted. This is why I don't ever try gambling. Especially slot machines.

A perfect example is when I first gave novel writing a try. Creating something brings with it its own set of highs. I become involved with the characters and story so much that I totally have to know what happens next and that means writing more chapters.

In high school, I stayed up for a week writing an entire novel. I only have a vague memory of this because everything went by in a blur. I didn't leave my room. My mother brought me food and left it outside my door. This particular memory, although a black blur, taught me a lesson in pacing myself because losing an entire week scared the shit out of me. This is why I limit myself to a chapter a day with at least two thousand words per chapter. Since I've gotten used to my style, I've shifted to two chapters a day, but only if there's a huge break in between. So that's one chapter in the morning and another in the afternoon.

Another example of a trigger for my addictive personality is anime marathons. There was a time I wouldn't sleep at all. I just kept watching episode after episode even knowing I had work the next day. Usually, when I start something I have to do everything in my power to finish it. This is also why I don't read scanlations of manga or any manga for that matter. Because manga leads to dōjinshis and that's a bottomless rabbit hole. I remember losing days on end just reading one manga after another. This is fine for most, but when you don't eat, bathe, leave the house, communicate with others, and completely shut down your life until you finish or die, that's not good.

I guess you can say knowing I have an addictive personality has taught me how to discipline myself. But there are days when something in me snaps and I start something and the next thing I know it's like three days later. What the hell? *scratches head*

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