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Change

Now that I think about it, I guess you can say I'm resistant to change when it comes to certain aspects of my personal life. I like the way things are, but the universe has other plans. Plans that I don't necessarily agree with. The typical response is "Why?"

Why does this have to happen now? Why do I have to change the life I've gotten so used to?

I'm confused. On the one hand change is good. The adventurer in me screams for joy, "Yey, something new!" But the hermit in me is grumbling, "Do I have to?"

In this case, I feel like circumstances are beyond my control. Do I stay or do I uproot myself and take a chance?

Fear of the unknown definitely has a lot to do with my sense of confusion and indecisiveness. Another part is frustration. Haven't I been working hard enough? Haven't I been trying? Yet lightning isn't striking. Where is the fruit of that labor? Many will say luck has to play a factor. I've never been good with luck. There's a difference between being lucky and being blessed. I feel blessed that I have come this far, but where's the luck?

Pause.

There is no point in dwelling on that question. I know this. I consider myself a rational person albeit impulsive and at times emotional. I can see what's wrong. I can explain to myself what's happening. But I'm stuck. I'm not quite sure which way is forward.  

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