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Fears

On Wednesday, I will find out if my foot has healed enough for the cast to come off. Of course, I've been praying really hard that the bone has finally mended and I can start walking again--after some physical therapy. But, at the back of my mind, there are several fears swimming around. I think it comes with age because had I been ten years younger, I don't think I would have thought about this injury all that much.

Removing the cast will certainly be a welcome reprieve. It's itchy and I'd like full use of my leg again. It would indeed be a celebration after two months of having my independence stripped from me.

The first fear has to do with the break itself. Maybe the bone hasn't healed. Maybe I'd have to wear a cast a little longer. That's the worst case scenario because classes are creeping closer and closer. I need to be on my feet ASAP.

The second fear has to do with breaking the bone again. I'm a clumsy sort of person. The what ifs buzzing around me are so annoying. I need a huge can of Insecurities Begone just to vanquish the irritating gnats.

I will be more careful. Maybe even more conscious of the foot. But I also don't want to live in constant fear of going down stairs. I want to be able to tackle a flight of steps without having to sit down and hauling myself up or down. It's childish to be so scared, but I can't help myself. When did I become so fearful?

The last fear, smallest of them all, has to do with going to physical therapy. Will it hurt? Will I be able to walk again? This is the irrational side of my fear. There hasn't been pain on my foot for weeks. Stiffness on the ankle, for sure, but the doctor said that is to be expected since I haven't used the foot in two months.

How fast time flies. It was as if only yesterday that I fell. I honestly don't want to remember that day anymore. I do have some PTSD moments. I may not wear my beloved heels any time soon, but I must preserver.

I have to woman up! I have to conquer these fears and stay positive. The bone is fine. The foot is fine. The cast will come off on Wednesday and we will celebrate by watching Ocean's 8. Believe this with me!

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